Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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