tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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