There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
