we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
