Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
