you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
