is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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