I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
