Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
