sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
