I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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