Just mADE A PArabola og urine
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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