Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
