I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
