Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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