she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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