My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
