you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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