I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
