you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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