the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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