Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
