Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
