He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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