What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
