Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
