I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
