just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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