I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
