I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
