I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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