hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
