yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
