Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
