I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
