Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
