I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
