There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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