you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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