you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
