I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
