So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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