So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
