whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
