The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
