I just pynch a tree in the face
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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