sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
