Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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