Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
