Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
