why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
