The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
